New blog

I will no longer be posting in this blog! I have moved to Katie Goes To, which will chronicle my experience with a variety of movement styles and healthy living practices, not just my yoga. Check it out and give me a follow!

Finding consistency

I haven't been blogging but I have been going to yoga. Usually the two fall off the wagon together but I've just been so busy lately that I haven't had time to eke anything out.

I've decided to do a new kind of challenge and Jason is on board with me for this one! This challenge is starting officially when we get back from a little trip next week. It's not a typical 60-day challenge where we'll go every day for 60 days. For 60 days, I want to develop consistency in my practice by going at least three times a week. I can go more if I want but the minimum is three. For me, it's much harder to allow myself skip days than it is to be regimented and focused on yoga as my number one activity. Right now, I need to let yoga be my second focus because I'm working on a dance project and I swear that's the last time I'll plug it... for now. ;D

So anyways, we've been doing a good job of keeping consistent since getting back and it's nice to get into the routine again. I have had some really good classes and a couple total duds. My mind has been all over the place but that's part of getting back into balance. You have your good days and your bad days and that's just how it goes. That's not as important as the fact that you got in the door. This is the lesson I hope to learn over the next few months. I want to find balance.

Then bang! crash! the lightning flashed!

Hello, friends in yoga land! It's been a while since I posted and that's because it's been a while since I practiced. After vacation, I didn't get back into yoga right away and that was my downfall. I slid into the "I'll go tomorrow" mindset. My body started falling out of balance. My healthy food cravings disappeared. I started having trouble sleeping again. I paid for a month and didn't take a single class. At that point, I realized I either needed to give up my membership or get my ass back to the hot room. The thought of raising the white flag was unbearable to me so I dragged myself (& Jason) off the couch and into class.

It's always surprising to me, the first class back after being gone for a while. I'm never as bad off as I thought I would be. Sure, it's definitely not the same class as, say, day 60 of a challenge but I've never had a totally flat-on-my-back class after being gone a while. A lot of the struggle is in your head!

I was definitely hot and definitely a little weak in the muscles. I've been dancing a good deal in my time off from yoga so I have at least been moving but dance and yoga are two different animals! The warmup was solid. I felt a good connection between my mind and my breath and my body. I had a great first set of awkward! I hit the pose quickly and really was able to find my peace and stillness within it. I started getting a little lightheaded during eagle but I relied on steady breathing to get me through. I felt pretty good after the warmup and was ready to get to the meat of class.

Standing head to knee is such a hard posture for me. I have a hard time grabbing my foot but once I do, extending my leg isn't really that difficult. I think once I lose some more weight, grabbing my foot will be a lot easier. It's frustrating but I just need to be patient and keep trying. I kept my energy up for the whole posture, never giving up after falling out. I was feeling strong and... wait, was that hail I just heard hit the roof? Um, I know I'm supposed to be focusing, but is that a tornado siren?

The door opened and one of the other yoga teachers made an announcement that a tornado had touched down at Love Field and class was being canceled! Obviously, this is a highly unorthodox event. I've never gone to class to have it stopped in the middle. Classes are very rarely canceled at BYD and it's usually for a workshop or special event they're having. It's a very consistent and structured studio. We were all encouraged to go wait out the storm in the changing rooms, which we did. I had my phone and checked the radar frequently until the tornado warnings passed and the storm was no longer dangerous.

Talk about a wild night. I was kind of disappointed that I made the effort to go to class only to have ti canceled but it actually was pretty funny. I guess I just wasn't meant to take the full class last night. Maybe the universe is really making sure I want to go back to yoga. Well, guess what, universe? I do! I'm going to the 4:30 today and don't you dare try and stop me!

Oh, hi!

I have not forgotten my yoga practice! Jason and I just got back into town from an awesome road trip to Colorado and New Mexico. While I get back into the swing of yoga, enjoy this shot from White Sands, New Mexcio. :)

Breath, focus, and strength

I've had a really good yoga week. I managed to get into the hot room four times last week and my body and brain are thanking me so much for it. It feels great to connect with my practice again. Reminder to self: this is why you do yoga.

Over the weekend, I participated in two posture clinics led by longtime Bikram teacher Lynn Whitlow. I learned so much about my practice from her. She gave so many great tips that have already changed my classes for the better. I got some nagging questions answered and got intense personal corrections on a few postures.

I think the most important thing she said was one of the first things she said. The three elements of a Bikram yoga practice are breath, one-point focus, and physical strength. When you are having a hard time in class, it is probably because one of these areas needs your attention. Every time I got overwhelmed in class today, I carefully re-assessed those points and every time I found that one of the three needed my increased mindfulness.

More often than not, it was my breath that was wonky. Taking another tip from Lynn, I pushed my postures to the point right before losing control of my breath, then stayed there in stillness and focused on breathing normally. Breathing normally, a concept that I didn't really understand until the clinics, makes postures so much easier. Trying to slow down my breath actually makes me feel more out of breath. What a revelation that it's okay to breathe shallowly! Just keep breathing, Lynn urged. It takes a lot of concentration to keep breathing through the whole class.

My balance issues have been greatly helped by Lynn's declaration that almost all balance problems are focus problems. I felt a little embarrassed hearing that since my balance is so bad. Some classes, I feel like I'm distracting everyone around me because I just can't get my balance. She told us to keep one point of focus (which has been mentioned in, I don't know, every class I've ever taken) and for some reason, it settled into my head. Not moving my eyes really does help keep my mind and body from wandering and falling over.

I got personal correction on triangle which as totally revolutionized the posture for me. I don't dread it with the same fervor I used to! I'm actually excited to tackle it and push the boundaries of my strength, which is increasing rapidly with every class. I still have trouble with triangle but I now understand the posture and what it means for my body.

The third element of the practice is physical strength, meaning contracted muscles. I'm using my abs and inner thighs more than I ever have in my life. On days I don't go to yoga, I've been doing ten regular sit-ups to focus some more attention on my abs. I am growing really addicted to the feeling of sore/tired muscles the day after going to class. It helps me to feel solid and strong instead of weak and tired.

Long story short: the posture clinics were awesome and my practice was helped out so much by everything Lynn had to offer. I'm having so much fun applying everything she shared over the weekend. Look out, triangle. You'll be mine soon.

It's about time.

Okay, so you probably guessed I didn't make it through my 64 day challenge by my sudden and abrupt silence regarding all things yoga. You would be correct if you leaped to that assumption. Instead, I took nine classes in two months. Those nine classes were all pretty crappy because my head and heart were both on vacation from my practice. In short, I needed a break and I took it. Failures are an important part of any practice because they teach you things you need to know in order to move forward.

I returned to practicing last week but wanted to keep a little quiet about it, to keep my practice to myself for a little while, to practice without analyzing. I just let myself get lost in the yoga. The classes I've taken have been wonderful, healing, and awakening.

One of the most notable happenings in these classes is that I am not allowing myself to sit out of postures anymore. If I feel overwhelmed, I just stand calmly with my arms by my side and breathe as normally as possible for a moment or two. I have noticed that squatting or sitting in the standing series makes me a lot dizzier than I am when I just stand up. I would imagine that has something to do with the blood rushing to the lower half of the body upon standing again. I'm also finding it makes the class go by so much faster when I'm at least attempting all sets of the postures. In a strange way, it makes everything a little easier, even though I'm working harder.

I was really inspired by one of my teachers the other day. She gently, but firmly, kept telling us to get back in the postures after falling out. No hesitation, just do it. Even though I've heard it a million times, I listened for the first time. I kept placing my body back into the postures, even when my muscles were screaming at me for a break. I've been totally exhausted to the point of not really being able to move in savasana and it. feels. wonderful.

My focus has been good in class and I feel like my head and heart are both back in my practice. I needed some time to rest my body and my brain and I took it. I'm now back with a renewed spirit. I'm so glad to be reconnecting with my practice again. It really is amazing how differently I feel when I'm practicing vs. when I am not. I love how I feel when I'm getting to class regularly. I randomly went to class on Monday without really having planned to go. I just thought to myself how much better I would feel and how much easier the day would be if I just went. I left class feeling refreshed and energized. I'm back to the place of looking forward to the class ahead of me instead of being anxious or nervous about how hard it's going to be.

Yoga, I missed you. <3

Days 2 & 3: Re-capturing my strength

Days 2 and 3 were certainly interesting. First of all, my body has definitely missed being in the hot room. Like, a lot. I have noticed a decent amount of loss of strength which in turn seriously affects my balance. The standing series is brutal on me. I've been tanking out energy-wise in the warm-up series, which I haven't experienced really since my first month of class. Overall, I still am feeling heavy. My limbs feel like lead. My concentration, in class and outside class, is shot.

I have had some nice success with toe stand, though. I was able to get my hands to the floor and bend my knee all the way in both sets for the first time yesterday. Once I'm there, I kind of freak out and fall over, but it's definite progress on a posture I've barely improved on at all since the beginning of my practice. I enjoy these baby steps.

I'm still getting slammed with an over-abundance of emotion in class, though. It happened yesterday after my first floor bow, where I kept my knees in more than ever before. After that, it was like the floodgates opened. I couldn't stop crying. It was extremely embarrassing. I kept doing the postures but I was having such a hard time looking at myself in the mirror. Every time I did, I just lost it.

After class, I cried some more, and sat outside in the nice 70 degree weather (I LOVE YOU, TEXAS WINTER) for a while to collect myself. Despite being embarrassing and awkward, I think the emotional release was probably pretty good for me. Many thanks to my instructor Sherry, who gave me words of comfort and a long hug after class despite my yoga sweat.

I keep telling myself, "better out than in," but it's hard to not feel embarrassed or ashamed about losing control of my emotions publicly. It's also very embarrassing for me to talk about it here but this is an honest chronicle of my practice. I'm doing what I can. I just hope tonight's class is a little lighter.

Day 1: In Memoriam

This is a far different blog post than I normally share, but I think this situation warrants it. Today, I started my 64 day challenge in honor of my father, who passed away unexpectedly on January 16, 2011, one day after his 64th birthday.

I am very close to my family and my father was no exception. He was such a caring, funny, and intelligent man. When people first met him, they were normally somewhat intimidated by his stature, as he was built kind of like a tree - solid and strong and tall. He had a deep, gruff voice with a touch of Boston accent and his mouth was always covered by a graying mustache. He appeared to have a very calm and serious demeanor, always seemed very focused, and spoke and acted with intention.

However, when you got to know him, you realized his appearance belied his true nature. He was a giant teddy bear. Under the outward, shall we say, "saltiness," he was wonderfully goofy and silly. One of my favorite memories of my dad features him dancing (aka shaking his butt and wiggling his fingers) up and down the hallway between the kitchen and the family room, singing along to the "COPS" theme song. He loved puns and what I like to call "groaner" jokes, you know, where the only logical response is to groan dramatically and roll your eyes. His sense of humor was quite dry and people often had a hard time telling if he was joking or serious. Once you were in on the joke, you realized just how funny and clever he was.

His sense of humor was balanced by his incredibly hard work ethic and dedication to his commitments. My father was a workhorse, to say the least. If my dad had to call in to work, it was for a serious reason - and I barely recall two such instances in my life. He woke up at four o'clock in the morning every morning to begin his day. Despite clocking in twelve hour days, he never missed a play, a game, or a dance recital of mine or my sister's. He would even travel to my away games, regardless of how far away they were. He was a very active dad and took joy in being there for us.

Speaking of being there for us, if it weren't for my father, I would have been clueless in all my math and science classes. My father was a chemical engineer and had a brain that could figure out how just about anything worked. He spent countless hours tutoring me in things that my artsy brain had a hard time wrapping around. It was not unusual in high school for me to sit at the kitchen table with my dad for hours, going over homework, asking questions about concepts I didn't understand, having him check my work and challenge me to make sure I really understood and hadn't just figured out how to fake the answer. He cared very much about my success in school and made sure that it was very important to me to me, too.

My dad was a total car guy. He loved working in the garage on all of our cars. Until I moved to Texas, I never took my car to a mechanic, my dad just always did everything for me. He'd get up early on Saturdays to check the fluids in my car and make sure everything was running smoothly. Additionally, I can't count the number of times he gave rides to friends of ours whose cars had run into problems. One particular time springs to mind: several friends and I were at a rave in a city about an hour and a half away from my parents' house. We left the party at 5 am to find my friend's car had been stolen and we had no way home. I called my dad in the wee hours of the morning and told him the situation. Before I even hung up the phone, he had gotten dressed and was on his way. He spent the better part of the day driving us to our respective locations, which spanned two states (ok, New England states, but whatever).

Despite his reliability and penchant for working hard, he loved to have fun. He used to take my sister and I to carnivals all through the summer season and went on any ride we wanted to go on. I can remember screaming our lungs out together on many a roller coaster. He always let us play the midway games even though they're clearly rigged. We always managed to go home clutching some silly stuffed animal he either outright won for us or somehow helped us to win. On family vacations, we'd spend the majority of the time either in a pool or in the ocean. Dad liked to hoist my sister and I up on his shoulders and toss us across the water, while shouting a silly nonsense word I don't even know how to spell.

He wasn't one of those "intimidate the boyfriend" types, either. He trusted my judgment in cases of the heart and always welcomed whatever (usually inappropriate) guy I brought home with kindness and generosity. When I told him I was going to Texas to meet Jason for the first time (we met online), he looked up some buddies in the area and gave me their business cards so I could call them if anything happened - but he allowed me the freedom to go follow my heart. When he met Jason, it was amazing. They totally just clicked. They could sit and shoot the shit about just about anything. On one recent stay in Boston, I had to do some work while on vacation, so I was holed up in the living room with my laptop for the better part of a day. My dad and Jason just chilled together in the kitchen, reading the paper, watching TV, chatting about sports and cars and politics. I am so glad that Jason and my father had the opportunity to connect, to get to know and like each other. It means the world to me to know that my two main men got along so famously.

I could write about my dad forever, and will likely have more stories to share along the way, but it is time to bring this to a close. I dedicate this 64 day challenge to my father, John: for bringing me into this world, for teaching me strength through his example, for giving me my sense of humor, for his implicit faith in me, for helping the helpless, for being a shining example in the application of dedication, for showing me what a true work ethic is, for his unending patience with his wacky artsy daughter, for giving me 26 beautiful years, for being the best father I could have ever asked for.

Daddy, I love you. I always have; I always will. You were my hero. This one's for you.

These hands are my father's hands but smaller

Today has probably been my best day since getting back to Dallas. I decided to try and get back into some semblance of a routine instead of just zoning out on the couch, eating crap, and staring blankly at the TV. I started the day by juicing the items from our co-op share that were on their last legs (carrots, kiwi, apples, broccoli). I made an acorn squash (my first try ever at preparing a winter squash (thanks Urban Acres!) and it was really pretty damn good. I also made some seitan with onions and broccoli. I was reminded how eating real, healthy, nutritious food can make a positive impact on one's mood. I'm still very sad but that's to be expected. At least I could get it together enough to take care of myself today.

So I got back to class today and it was a better one than my class earlier in the week. I still feel very heavy and tired in body, brain, and heart, but it was a modicum better today. Again, I couldn't get through the entire warm-up series before sitting. I kept popping up and trying bits of the standing series but at some point (it's fuzzy), I got hit by a big wave of emotion and started crying. My instructor (the fabulous Rachel, who has a yoga blog of her own) was kind enough to bring me a few tissues so I didn't have to wipe my face off on my towel. Rachel, if you're reading this, I couldn't really speak much after class, but thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

After that little outburst of emotion, I pulled it together and had a good end to the standing series. I managed to do toe stand more comfortably than I ever have before. It kind of took me aback, honestly. I was balanced on one foot, with my hands by my sides, looking at the floor and thinking, "Huh. I'm actually... doing this. Weird."

The floor series continues to be my favorite part of the class. I had a great spine strengthening series, especially full locust. I almost felt like I was flying. I could feel my spine curving right where it was supposed to. I got a small cramp in my back during bow but I didn't release the posture because of it. I pushed through and was rewarded with a blissful feeling on release.

Camel was lovely. Rachel even called me out for doing well on my first set! I felt more aligned in my hips than normal and really pushed them forward as hard as I could. I saw further up my mat than I usually can and when I released, I felt this huge WHOOSH of emotion rise up in me. It wasn't sad emotion, it was just... emotion. No way to really describe it. I need this posture very much right now.

All in all, it was a pretty decent class considering where I am physically and emotionally right now. In other, non-yoga breakthroughs, I had a childhood memory of my dad rise to the surface and I smiled. I know I'm not done with tears yet, but at least I had a glimpse of what's waiting on the other side.

"Nothing is ever lost; it is here."

Tonight, I returned to my yoga practice after a two-week break to deal with my father's accident & death. I was extremely nervous for class as I'm not in the habit of taking long stretches of time off and also because I have a lot of emotions bubbling around inside that I was afraid would release in a way I couldn't control. What can I say? Once a control freak, always a control freak. Especially without the benefit of daily yoga practice.

Predictably, my body was stiff and inflexible. I felt wildly out of alignment on most postures. I couldn't muster up the energy to power through the standing series. I had to lay down in savasana for the majority of the standing series and I think I might have (oops) fallen asleep during some of it. At any rate, my brain was kind of shut off and my body & heart felt as heavy as bricks.

The floor series was pretty solid, though I was still plagued by the inflexibility and heavy heart. I grew increasingly emotional with each floor posture. My instructor (who knew what the deal was with me) said some really profound things about loss in between postures. The one that (again, predictably) set me off into a crying jag was, "Nothing is ever lost; it is here." It was so simple and so beautiful and reached into my heart.

So after that point, I couldn't keep myself from crying but I didn't let it stop me from doing the postures. I cried from half tortoise past the end of class. I actually haven't done a whole lot of crying in the past two weeks and I think perhaps my body and my soul needed to release that emotion. I was mildly embarrassed but there wasn't much I could do about it. I just hope my tears didn't distract anyone from their practice.

It was a pretty unremarkable class physically but it was very therapeutic and helpful to me emotionally. I think that when I'm caught up at work, I will undertake a 64 day challenge, one for each year of my father's life, dedicated to his memory. I think this will help me to deal with a lot of the complex emotions that surface when you lose a loved one, as well as keep me connected to his spirit via yoga and meditation. I'm also contemplating a 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat and a beginner meditation class at the Ananda Center. 2011 is going to be a confusing and difficult one for me and I need all the help I can get.

To every thing, there is a season.

I don't want you all to think I've ditched my yoga practice because I haven't posted. My father passed away suddenly this week while on a trip to California and I've been out there with my family. I'm heading back to Boston, where my family's from, for a week or so before returning home to Dallas and my practice. I may squeeze in a class this week at some point but it's just frankly not my priority right now. I will be back very soon upon my return to Dallas.

AWESOME DOUBLE DAY WOO!

Today was definitely my best double yet! Days like this are so gratifying. It's so wonderful to be able to not just complete a double but to feel like you kinda rocked it. Of course, I still have plenty of improvements to make, but it is always nice to feel like you're taking steps towards a better practice.

I took the 10 am as the first leg of my double (my yoga pal Nita was teaching and I LOVE her classes) and I was able to hold it together a lot better in the standing series than I have this week. My backbends are really getting stronger and this improvement is helping in so many postures it's unbelievable. I'm figuring out how to relax into the bend even deeper. It's taken me a while to figure out how to not tense my back up while I'm trying to get a 360 degree angle backward bend but now that I've gotten a taste of it, I'm super excited.

The second part of awkward is getting even better for me. I'm still working on getting up on my toes and balancing but the good news is that my ankles are really starting to open up and strengthen. Normally when I attempt to go on my toes, my weight shoots out to the side of my foot and my ankle goes, for lack of a better term, all wonky. Today I noticed that I was able to go straight up without any of the wobbly ankle. SUCCESS! I still can't bend my knees without my hips shooting out in some crazy way to make me lose my balance but I'm happy with my progress nonetheless.

I'm noticing that I'm able to hold my foot longer in standing head to knee without losing my balance. I think it has to do with the contraction of my stomach muscles and my willful detachment from the uncomfortable sensations that make me want to quit. I don't really know how to explain how to pull away from your senses, mostly because I'm not that great at it yet, but it's almost like you check out of your body and basically tell your brain to refuse to feel the discomfort. I've been having a degree of success with it so I'm going to keep on trucking.

Rabbit is becoming another one of my favorite poses suddenly. I've been consistently getting my head to my knees which I never though I would be able to do with my stomach to boob ratio. Once I lift my hips off my heels, the feeling is really intense and incredible. I feel like I'm full of helium when I release, like I'm about to float away into the ether.

So after the first class, Nita and I went to Spiral Diner for a healthy vegan lunch and it was delicious. Spiral is my favorite restaurant in Dallas and since Nita's from Vegas, I wanted to show her some of the cooler haunts here. She remarked that the food was really flavorful, and boy howdy, is it! We had a really nice time, chatting about our lives and, of course, our practices. She's a very cool person and I'm glad to have met her.

After lunch, I kind of wasn't feeling going back to class but there was no way I was going to bail on my yoga date! I think making plans with people to do healthy things is a really great way to make you follow through on them and not quit on yourself. This probably means I need to work on my own determination but it's a long journey! Really, the hardest part of a double is getting out the door to go to the second class.

The second class, the 5pm, was fantaaastic. My muscles were loose from having practiced a few hours earlier and I was much more in touch with my breathing from having worked out a bunch of kinks in the earlier lesson. I was WAY more aligned than I think I've ever been, partially from having been to class once before and partially because of my increased focus on my alignment. It was nice to not have to struggle with my hips/ankles as much as normal and I think I made some really great changes to my body in this class.

I had a really good time with both standing and floor bow in this class and I'm thinking that it had to have something to do with my uber-warm spine. In standing bow, I was really pushing my arm/shoulder towards the mirror while kicking my leg back and I felt much more balanced than I ever have. My leg might not have been as high as it's gotten before but that's not really the point of the posture anyway. My knee was locked, my weight was balanced, my shoulder was to my chin, and I was focused on the spot between my eyebrows. It all just kind of fell into place. On the floor, I kicked my legs back so hard - like, so. incredibly. hard. I almost got a cramp in my back! The release was beyond words. I could have melted into a puddle on the floor.

To make a (very) long story short: Today's double was the best yet and really inspired me to try them out more often. I only had five and a half hours between classes which I thought was going to be hard but I actually think it's a little easier than spacing them out really far. It really is all in your mind! Set your brain to thinking it'll be fun instead of hard and, whaddya know, it'll be fun instead of hard.

Namaste. :)

Today was just great...

...and I don't even mean that sarcastically!

I started off the day with a big glass of green juice, which made me feel amazing. I also brewed my own rhodiola & stevia tea, which gave me so much energy I was bouncing happily about the house doing all sorts of things that needed doing. I know I have yesterday's yoga to thank for a lot of my happy mood and energy. When I have great classes like that, the world just feels so much lighter.

Today was another awesome class, though not quiiiite as good as yesterday's. I'm really pushing myself in the warm-up series these days. I've figured out a lot of my problem in the second part of awkward. I have been noticing that I tend to keep my weight on the outsides of my feet when standing. I've been working really hard at keeping my right shoulder down, which keeps my right hip in alignment, which helps me to balance my weight more evenly on my feet. When all those keys are in place, going up on my toes becomes (just slightly) easier. I can push more weight to my big and second toe and not have my ankles roll to the side. It's a small breakthrough but a much-welcome one. I haven't had much improvement at all in this posture until this week, so I am very grateful.

After the warm-up, I was kind of yoga-wasted. That's kind of the nickname I've given to the wild not-dizzy-dizziness feeling that you get from spineplay. I kept trying to pull away from the feeling ("don't get too attached") but I didn't have much success with that today. I wound up having to take a little break on the floor and didn't get to try standing separate leg stretching, which kinda bummed me out. I did, however, scrape myself off the floor for an attempt at triangle. It was one of my best ones yet! The teacher even gave me a little shout-out - a feat I have never achieved on triangle. I made sure to not put even the slightest bit of pressure on my knee with my elbow and reached for my toes as hard as I could. I tend to lose my balance once I switch my gaze to the ceiling and I wound up falling out of it, but the start was so good that I couldn't be too upset! Despite having to take some breaks, I felt positive about my progress in the standing series.

The floor series was awesome as well. I'm starting to really get a handle on my alignment and it makes it much easier to get the spinal compression in the right spot. I love when I release and I can't quite focus my eyes and I feel all the energy rushing through my body. I'm still having some trouble getting my alignment right in the set-up for bow, which is something I'm definitely going to ask about when I get to taking that private lesson I've been squawking about. (Ooooh, side note! I bought a yoga journal from Phofun on Etsy and I plan on using it to write down things I have questions about, detail my trouble spots, write down quotes from books I read that strike me, etc. I'm pumped.)

I am having a good amount of improvement in rabbit. I can now almost always lift my hips up off my heels and today I felt stretching not just in my neck but also in my lower spine by my coccyx. This posture used to be kind of a lazy one for me, one I'd relax in instead of pushing hard, but the removal of my hips from my feet has totally changed that for me. The best part about that is that I get a similar feeling upon release that I do after camel. Totally worth the extra effort!

I also have been improving on spinal twist. I can feel the twist all the way up to my neck these days. The key is keeping both hips solid and my floor knee in contact with the floor, evenly balancing my weight. Then I can really stretch my spine and use my arms to torque my body backwards. It's great.

Tomorrow is my double date with Nita! It's going to be SO much fun. It's my first double in a while and I plan on definitely making sure I hydrate/eat properly between classes so I can have two strong classes. I'll be sure to let you know how it all goes!

This one was good from the get-go.

Today's class was out of this world. It was one of the best classes I've had in recent memory. I love it when this happens, these classes make it totally worth struggling through the really bad ones.

I had a really great start to class with pranayama breathing. I had a lot of success with keeping my chest lifted and rolling my head back. I think it's definitely the farthest I've seen on the back wall, which was exciting. The further you're able to go in the pose, the better it winds up feeling. Who knew?

My backbends are getting better and better! After my first one today, I got that not-unlike-dizziness-but-totally-not-dizziness spinal energy feeling and it carried me, honestly, through the rest of the entire day. I couldn't do absolutely everything in the standing series because I kept getting overwhelmed by that feeling. I felt like I was reaching new levels of depth in nearly every posture and it released a ton of crazy energy in my body. It's a really overwhelming feeling and at one point I really focused on not pulling away from the feeling but relaxing into it. I only captured this relaxation for a couple seconds but it was completely amazing. There are no words.

I touched my head to the floor in both sets of standing separate leg stretching and both times it gave me the world's biggest head rush. It felt incredible and unsettling and wonderful. I really cannot crow about that feeling enough. It's so unbelievably cool.

The instructor gave me a great correction in cobra and it made the entire spine strengthening series amazing for me. I was able to work so much deeper into my spine than ever before and I got so many head & body rushes that I could barely see. Camel and rabbit were both so intense. I wish every class could be like this one!

After class, I couldn't stop grinning. Not just smiling but ear-to-ear grinning. I was singing along with the radio at top volume, practically dancing in the good ol' rental car. I've been energetic and happy all day long. Now I'm pretty wiped out and am ready to curl up in bed and do some reading but ever since the opening breath of pranayama, my day has totally rocked. Thumbs way up. Thanks, yoga!

A failure isn't a failure if you refuse to let it get you down.

Okay, so here's the deal: I will not be meeting my 60-day challenge. Here's the story.

I got into town on Friday around noon (I got up at 3 a.m. to go to the airport, ugh) and went home and crashed out in bed for about an hour and a half. I woke up, totally exhausted, but stubbornly set on getting to class. I went to class and it was basically my worst one ever. I barely got through the warm-up series before tanking and spending almost the rest of class flat out. I managed to get some energy up for the spine strengthening series, but other than that, it was basically a wash. I was really kind of in a daze when I left. I felt exhausted physically, tired from being sick that week and from lack of sleep and exhausted mentally from the turmoil of my dad's emergency the day before. I got in the car before I probably should have, and guess what?

I got into a wreck.

Now, all things considered, it wasn't that bad. I rear ended a guy in a truck (who was VERY nice and patient with me while I cried hysterically on the side of the road) and cracked my radiator and my air conditioning unit. The gentleman whose truck I hit was fine, as was his truck, and I was thankfully uninjured as well. I have great Triple A coverage and got a tow pretty quickly, especially for New Year's Eve. My insurance deductible is much lower than I thought it was. The insurance company has so far been absolutely fantastic and the repair guys send me email updates with wonderful reassurance about fixing my car (which, by the way, didn't even have 5000 miles on it). All in all, I'm grateful for how things have turned out. Last week was a "best of the worst" situation - some crappy stuff happened, but it all turned out relatively okay in the end.

However, after the accident, I really just felt shaken and tired and like I actually needed a break to sleep and recover. I honestly felt like I should have listened to my body and not gone to class that night but I was so stubbornly set on meeting the challenge despite all odds. Additionally, because of my sickness the week before, I fell way behind on work for my job and I had a full week of work laying ahead of me - not exactly conducive for three hours of yoga a day. I think sometimes it's appropriate to push through and sometimes it's appropriate to recognize your limitations. Perhaps that's what this challenge was all about for me - realizing that I will not always meet goals that I set.

I'm keeping a positive attitude about the whole thing. No, I won't be hitting 60 classes in 60 days, it's more like 55 in 60. So while I didn't hit the overall goal, I did keep a consistent practice. I can't help but be a little disappointed but I truly feel like I did my best and that's all I can ask of myself.

So I'm back to a normal practice after my disaster week - I only took off two days, but it felt like an eternity. I had a great class tonight! I had the best backbend I've ever had in my entire life. I somehow figured out how to keep my legs locked and my upper body relaxed. I pushed so far back that I really almost fell over backwards. I felt the most amazing rush after coming out of it. For the rest of the standing series, I was a little light-headed. It wasn't exactly dizziness as much as it was the after-effects of very deep spinal compression. I really have trouble explaining the feeling but it's amazing. It's actually a pretty spiritual experience, like I've tapped into a different level of consciousness or something. It's beautiful.

Til tomorrow, folks. :)